


Aftercare

by autohaptic, rent_a_gundam



Series: Rent-a-Gundam [63]
Category: Gundam & Related Fandoms, Gundam 00
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-16
Updated: 2009-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autohaptic/pseuds/autohaptic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rent_a_gundam/pseuds/rent_a_gundam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil understands what Halle's parting glance meant, now. Take care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftercare

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the sprawling Rent-a-Gundam series: a university/rent-boy!AU that was co-written by Veda, Auto, Orange and Typo.
> 
> Only a portion of the RAG fics have been posted on AO3. For all other fics in the series, check out the Rent-a-Gundam journal: <http://rent-a-gundam.livejournal.com>
> 
> ***
> 
> This particular story was written by Auto.
> 
> Originally posted here: <http://rent-a-gundam.livejournal.com/13512.html>

Al had forgotten how fucking _good_ it was to have Halle put him in the submissive head space. He remembers, now, sprawled bonelessly on the bed and drifting in and out of consciousness. He'd gotten to the point, once, where he could just wake up easily out of this. But it's been so fucking long--almost three years. Since then.

Thinking about _it_ makes Al's chest clench, and his consciousness come running back. He moans softly, not happily, and opens his eyes.

He expects Halle, when he pushes himself up onto his elbows and looks around.

The only people there are Neil and Tieria. Tieria's closer, stretched out and watching Al carefully. Neil's spooned up behind him, eyes closed.

Al suddenly feels like he's interrupting, which isn't a good feeling on top of the tightness in his chest and the suddenly vivid memory of soggy sheets and bloody walls. He starts to sit up, wants to slide off of the bed and away from them, but Tieria's surprisingly strong fingers around his wrist hold him where he's at.

"Stay," Tieria says, simply. His expression is so open and honest that Al can't keep looking at his face.

The movement or the words--or both--wake Neil, and over Tieria's shoulder Al sees the way Neil's lips curve into a smile and his heart flutters a little. Neil crawls over Tieria and leans forward to press a kiss against Al's lips. Al doesn't--can't--kiss back. He barely even feels the kiss; it's only peripheral, with all that's going on inside his head, and Neil pulls away after a moment.

Neil's frowning, oh god, Al wants to say something, and the tightness in his chest is becoming painful, but the only thing that comes out when he opens his mouth is a sob.

Al claps a hand over his mouth, but even choked, the sobs keep coming. This--is the absolute worst, most humiliating (in a decidedly unsexy way) thing he's ever done, and he can't fucking _stop_.

 

 

Neil doesn't get it, but apparently Tieria does.

"Hold him," he instructs softly. "He-- Hallelujah said that this was probable."

"Thanks for the warning," Neil mutters, but reaches out to pull Al into an embrace anyway. Al tries to knock Neil's arms away, but Neil just grabs hold of Al's wrists--no more muffling the cries, now--and pulls Al into his lap and holds him tight.

Al doesn't just cry. He sobs. World-ending, life is over as we know it, oh my god I want to die _sobs_ that make his whole body shudder in Neil's arms. Neil feels it in his chest, with the way Al's back is pressed there, and he thinks that it's a bit like he was after he was reunited with Lyle. Only there isn't a swarm of strangers and someone pressing a needle in Al's arm to make it all go away. It's better this way.

"Let it out," Neil whispers in Al's ear, and presses a kiss against Al's hair. His cheek, too, and Al just cries harder, but at least he's not trying to get away anymore.

No, he's apologizing. It takes Neil a minute to realize that the sobs are forming words, apologies for everything although Al's not saying _what_ everything is. Just that he's sorry for it.

Tieria moves in front of them, sliding his arms around both Al and Neil and half-crawling into Al's lap. He doesn't try to say anything significant, only pressing chaste kisses against Al's cheeks and murmuring soft reassurances. They're here. Everything will be okay. They're not going anywhere.

"Just let it all out," Neil says again, and hugs Al tightly.

 

 

"I didn't want to," Al says, or means to say anyway. It comes out sounding more like "I d'nt w-w-wanna" and it's a lie besides. He _wanted_ to. The memory still makes him hard--he's half-hard now, and it freaks him out because he knows it has nothing to do with the foursome that just happened and everything to do with a screaming boy and Hallelujah's heartless orders.

"Oh god," he breathes, or sobs out, and really struggles. Earlier it was just-- just half-hearted trying to get away. He was already there and crying; there wasn't much to actually escape from.

Now it's-- he _has_ to get away, they _can't_ find out and _he has to get away_ but Tieria's holding him tight and those red eyes are staring into Allelujah's and Al can't move. Neil's a solid, unmoving wall behind him. He's suddenly glad that Tieria's the one he's facing. He doesn't think he could deal with thinking about the taste of the nameless kid's blood and staring at Neil at the same time.

Allelujah swallows. Once, and god his throat is dry. Twice. His brief composure breaks down because he's still shaky from crying, still breathing in those harsh breaths and in the not-good place in his head.

"Something happened," Tieria says.

If you know that... Al starts to think, but doesn't let himself finish. Doesn't let himself say anything either, just diverting his gaze.

"Allelujah." It's soft. It's Neil. It's something in Al's head cracking.

"I can't," Al whispers, and is surprised when it actually comes out coherent. "Tieria knows. Halle told him." The voicing of what he'd only distantly realized before is like a suckerpunch. Halle _told_.

"No. Hallelujah instructed me to... ask."

Al feels a little bad for doubting Halle. Not very. He licks his lips, opens his mouth to say something, and does the sob-thing again. He chokes it, shaking hands coming up to cover his mouth again.

"What happened?" Neil's voice is so--it breaks, cracks in the middle of 'happened' and the way Neil's arms tighten and, oh, god. Al's a basket case. He's a fucking basket case, and he's making Neil into one too because he can't get ahold of himself.

"We decided to go to college," Al says, like it's an answer. A sound that starts out a laugh but ends up _not_ bubbles out of his throat, and his hands slide down a little, pressing there. With his eyes shut, he can almost imagine--ah. No. "After. We decided to go to college, because it--we. _We_ just weren't... healthy."

They don't ask why. Or how. Or anything. Tieria just nods, like it's the most sensible thing Al's said so far, and on reflection it actually is and that's kind of scary. Kind of _really_ scary.

"I _killed_ someone."

He feels the way Neil's breath catches. Tieria, however, doesn't miss a beat: "Why?"

"Halle told me to." Neil's still not breathing. He's actually trembling, just a little, which makes Al's nerves unravel in a bad way. "There was this kid who lived next door--a boy, T-- Tieria's age--and he'd always scream at night." Al knows he's speaking way too fast. He can't stop. If he stops, he'll never finish.

"And we--me and Halle--were fu... we screwed a _lot_. More than Halle and Lyle, because-- .. we, it. So we were going at it and the kid's screaming and I'm-- Halle's sitting on my chest and making me eat cock and-- I'm worthless, you know?-- I'm all the way gone, completely... like when I... earlier. And I'll do anything. I'll. Just. Whatever. And Halle's... 'You'd _kill_ someone if I told you' and I'm, 'yes, yes' -- can't say anything else. And I do. He tells me and I _do_." Al swallows, closes his eyes. "I killed the kid."

Al stops to take a deep breath, but he doesn't. He can't. He wants to go on, about how he did it _right_ , the way Halle wanted, and how he liked doing it right. And about quantum brainwaves and, in those days, not caring if it was him or Halle thinking those thoughts as long as Al got off in the end. And... there's so much, but he's breathless and Neil and Tieria are both absolutely silent.

"School sounds like it was a healthy choice," Neil says, and Al doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"But I loved it," Al whispers, when Tieria draws him forward into an embrace. Lets Al's face press into his neck. I'm hard, talking about it, he wants to add.

"The past is exactly that. In the end, you acted correctly." Tieria's voice is deeper when Al hears it like this, vibrations against his face and slim arms around him. Strong arms too, from behind, Neil there for him just as much as Tieria.

 

 

Neil understands what Halle's parting glance meant, now. _Take care of him_.

 

 

It's not okay yet, but it will be.


End file.
